This is Part 2 of the #SweetGirlproject. If you have not seen the first one, I suggest that you please have a look at it first. Click here to view the first part. This is an ongoing project.

What made me do the second part of #SweetGirlproject ?

The first part is about mental health in general. When I did it, I had just found out that I suffer from mental health and at that time I did not know a lot about it although it has been part of me as long as I could remember. Since then, I started understanding myself more. Unfortunately, my mental health got worse. At first, I found it hard to control it. I did not want to worry the people around me so I continued to be 'happy', 'smile' and be 'funny'. This added to the harm as I felt it was crushing me. I was completely lost. I did not realise what was wrong with me. Part of my journey to understand myself better has led me to ask "What if Mental Health were a real person? What would I tell her?" So I wrote the following letter. In it I mention young girls, because I'm a leader with Malta Girl Guides.

The letter refers to the state of my mental health during MARCH, APRIL, MAY, JUNE 2019. Yes, it took me four months until I realised I was not okay with myself.

The Letter

Dear Best Friend,

Lately, I am letting you take care of me. You are the one who decides what I should do. You are the one that makes me feel bad about myself. You are the one who makes me overthink about basically everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. You are the person who makes me think about my eyes, my tone, as I speak so quietly, how I move my hands, people’s thoughts, my own thoughts. You are the one who removes my hunger and makes me want to vomit after almost every meal. You are the one who controls me. I lost my control. I am lost. Can you just stop it! Stop it! Who am I?

I should be a role model for young girls. I should be teaching them how to be happy, how to boost their self-confidence, how to be themselves. How am I meant to do this? How am I meant to be a role model if I am faking my stupid smile. What is it like to be happy? What is normal?

You are the one who makes me extremely tired with the never ending thoughts. You are the one who wants me to fail. You are the one who makes me arrive at school late or miss school or even a fun activity with the young girls. You are the one who makes me not concentrate. You are the one who makes me so unconfident. You are! Because of this I am SUFFERING. I work slowly. I am hating myself. I am failing. I feel small.

Isn’t this enough? Yo, I am tired of sleeping late to listen to you. I am tired of being so unhappy. I am sick of calling myself, “I am boring”. I am tired of being physically sick. I am tired of the never ending headache. JUST STOP IT! S-T-O-P! Please do! You also made me hurt myself! Why would you do that to me? I hate doing it especially because of you!

Why would you never leave? You ruined enjoyable events. I missed a party. I wanted to enjoy a party but because of you I couldn’t fully enjoy it. Capturing Fashion Week was a cool experience. Unfortunately enough, you decided to interfere and criticize what I was shooting and doing. I had to take a break. Editing Fashion Week photos took me ages, since every time I was editing I remember that I was not okay shooting.

Please answer me!

Sincerely,

Petra Wettinger

_MG_0528.jpg
_MG_0520.jpg
_MG_0510.jpg
IMG_9943.jpg
IMG_9531.jpg
IMG_9532.jpg
_MG_0530.jpg
_MG_0531.jpg
_MG_0543.jpg
_MG_0548.jpg
_MG_0534.jpg
IMG_9928.jpg
IMG_9860.jpg
IMG_9918.jpg
_MG_0592.jpg
IMG_1605-Edit.jpg
IMG_1592.jpg
IMG_9495.jpg
IMG_9491.jpg
IMG_9490.jpg

The Tattoo

This experience has been one of the worst, I have been through. Of course, I don't want to experience this again, but if it happens I'll be stronger because I already know what it is like and now I have self-tips. After I've been through so much I wanted to reward myself and that's how the first tattoo came to be! It is intended to show Serotonin. For those who don't know what this is, it is a very important chemical in our body. It is a neurotransmitter that transmits messages between nerve cells. It helps us to regulate mood and social behaviour, appetite, digestion, sleep, memory, and sexual desire and function. An imbalance in serotonin levels affects all these. This means that it can cause Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Depression and other Mental Illness. The image of the flowers in the tattoo means that although I go though these sad, scared, lost days, I can still in a way be that happy girl again. It sounds cliche but it's true! What I do to be that happy girl again is that I tell myself, "Yoo, Petra this is enough." I treat mental health as if she were that annoying person that I absolutely hate and want to get rid of!

Some of you may already have seen the phrase, "Seek Discomfort" by Yes Theory. It was coined by a group of three guys who are always ready to face their fears. Fear is one of those emotions which stops us from following our dreams! I relate this quote to my mental health because most of the time I feel divided between whether I want to do something or whether my mental health is telling me not to do it, in other words I'm afraid. Therefore I do what I really want to do, even if I am really scared because I would already know that it will be worth it!

A tip from me is to let your body speak, and don't care about what other people might say. If they want to say something, just be proud of yourself since you're not afraid to show what you are feeling! You are Strong! Always seek help if you're not okay and you feel totally lost and don't know what to do! One last thing is if your family or someone doesn't get it, educate them! Tell them what you want and tell them what you are feeling, even if you wouldn't know for sure!

Take care and Stay Safe!

So, Where can you contact?